The In-Between

vanlife camper van vanlife camper van Maiden voyage to test the van in Tahoe last week.

You know that lonely, weird feeling when you're in an airport between home and your destination? I've always called it The In-Between. I'm between finishing work and the trip and I just want to get on the move! I expected to crash and rebound like finishing a school semester after finals, but it's been a longer process. I spent the first week sleeping, napping, and finding the will to do more than couch-melt and wall-stare. I realized I haven't taken more than a 3 week break from work in the last 9 years! I didn't think I was that bad off, but I suppose you get used to a baseline level of stress all the time. With "the letting go," my body's done interesting things.

Week 1, my rhomboid, between the scapula and spine, seized up, to the point where I could barely hold a can at a 90 degree angle. And I hadn't even exercised for days because I was so tired. I took muscle relaxers for 2 days, which put me in a Sudafed-head daze, then by day 3 I really needed to do something and went on an ill-decided 30mi bike ride. The ride was abnormally difficult physically, not made any easier by drug-induced paranoia. I sported an average heart rate of 158 for 3 hours (I figured that out after, though I knew something was up when my scalp was tingling).

Week 2, sort of got back into climbing, but I was oddly much more scared to commit and fall than a couple weeks before. We did a test trip in the van to Tahoe and got about an hour of climbing before a storm rolled in. I wanted to cry while top-roping an 11a. It was a huge wave of frustration, confusion at what real rock was, and loving Jeremy for how encouraging he was. But still...I was on an 11a TR. I'm terrified of falling, even in the gym and on a rope, much more so than bouldering. I've taken thousands of falls bouldering and know what to expect. Falls on lead are cushy, but I don't understand them enough to not have gut fear, dry mouth, and the pee feeling. It's back to basics, like being thrown back to the beginning of my climbing career when everything was new and a learning process.

It's a good happy Monday morning of week 3 and I'm feeling much better. We've got two more days of long work to get ready before we'll be on our way to Wyoming! It's photos like this that made me want to see the Tetons in the fall!